‘Get the fuck off the stage, buddy.’

Normally, I would have been thrilled to see my name in the rotation for stage 1 around 11:30.  But tonight wasn’t a normal night.

Even as the customers started rolling in around 10, the stages were nearly empty.  The few customers who were sitting at stages weren’t tipping more that a couple of dollars per 3-song set.  I watched the girl ahead of me do her entire set to empty chairs and a pity dollar on the corner of her stage from a merciful passerby.

Dreading the possibility of a repeat, I went to drum up business with a bachelor party.  I had already done dances for the bachelor and a couple of his friends, one of whom had expressed interest in my pole work after discussing how I had gotten such muscular arms and back.  ‘Come up and watch me, Enrique.  You’ll finally really be able to see all those sexy muscles in action.’

‘You wanna see my sexy muscles in action?’  The bachelor, who was wearing a suit and tie and a giant, furry top hat with the word ‘BACHELOR’ across it in gold lettering, landed with a plop on my lap and started thrusting his pelvis around and waving his hands in the air.  I looked at Enrique, eyebrow raised, and physically redirected the bachelor onto the couch next to me.

‘Hell yeah, man!  But we can’t do that here.  Go have a talk with the DJ to arrange a bachelor dance with me up on stage.’

‘BEAUUUUUUUUUUUTIFUL, SEXY LADIES COMING OFF THOSE STAGES!  GET YOUR TIP DOLLARS DOWWWWWWWWN.  REMEMBER, THEY ARE WORKING HARD FOR YOOOOOOU — NOT FOR US.  NEXT UP, WE HAVE W ON STAAAAAGE ONE!’

‘Hey, guys, that’s me!  Let’s go!’

‘We’ll be up.  We’re going to talk about this bachelor dance.’

‘Sounds great!  See you soon!’

By the time I got to my stage, the girl ahead of me had already dressed and retrieved her dollar.  I let out an audible sigh as she and I passed, exchanging a look of sympathy.  I looked to see if my bachelor party was making their way up or talking to the DJ, but they were nowhere in sight.  Discouraged, I grabbed the pole, bent over, and started wiggling my ass in hopes of attracting some attention.  To my surprise, two guys came and sat down.

As I was dancing for one of them, Enrique and the bachelor sat on the opposite side of my stage.  I went between doing floor work in front of customers when the money was down and pole tricks when it was not until one of the first guys who sat down, a scruffy biker with a bandanna on his head, put several dollars in front of him.  I finished up a spin, crawled over to him, and stuck my boobs in his face while I played with his hair.

I was pulling away and leaning back to get ready to shove my crotch in his face when everything went black.  I felt something over my head and face, but before I could even reach up to investigate, someone put something around my neck and yanked back.  My hands flew up to my face, knocking the giant, furry top hat off from over my head and onto the floor.  I looked up to see the bachelor standing over me with his tie looped around my neck, swinging his hips wildly.

And then, a voice from the heavens — the DJ, Jeff, over the loudspeaker.  ‘HEY BUDDY.  GET THE FUCK OFF THE STAGE.’

The pulling stopped.

‘YEAH YOU.’  Jeff continued, ‘THAT’S REALLY AS NICELY AS I CAN PUT IT.’

Instantly, my stage was flanked by both of the managers.  I apologised to the biker and continued dancing for him.  On the other side of the stage, one of the managers had pulled the bachelor aside.  Enrique laid a tenner on the stage for me, and I went over to him, laid back, and grabbed my boobs.

Which he took as his cue to grab my hair with both hands.

‘HEY, BUDDY…’

Jeff’s booming voice was the last thing dear Enrique heard before the other manager snatched him up.

In the few months I’ve been dancing, I’ve been able to make a lot of money off of bachelor parties.  But, while many girls look at them as ‘easy money’, I tend to avoid them if I can because, while a bachelor party may sometimes be quick money, it’s very rarely ‘easy’.

~W~