Lessons in Stripperhood: Stripperfood

‘I need to get stuff to eat at work,’ I told him, as I made a list for our weekly grocery run.

‘You don’t just pack a normal lunch?’ he asked.

‘No,’ I say, writing down a bullet point followed by ‘stripperfood’.

‘Why not?’

I’ll tell you what I told him.  While at work, I only consume things that meet the following criteria:

1) It must not take long to consume.  Time is money.  Unless it’s spent in the dressing room stuffing my face.  Then, it’s just time.

2) It must not affect my breath negatively.  While I always pack a toothbrush, toothpaste, floss, and mouthwash, many foods ‘stick with you’, and no one wants a stripper with dragon breath up close and personal.

3). It must be nutrient dense.  I need a lot of good calories in a very small package so that I don’t bloat or feel sluggish.  I treat my job like a long, intense workout because…well…it is.

‘Stripperfood?’ He breaks into laughter. ‘Can you get that at the pet store?’

‘I wish!  A 50 lb. bag of kibble would only cost $20!’

Instead, I got 6 protein bars, 3 packets of energy chews, and 3 sports shakes…for $40.

Being a stripper is expensive.

~W~