Weird Things Strippers Do: Make It Clap

The first time I saw it in the club, I was horrified.

It looked like her ass was chomping on her g-string.  The undulation of cellulite, the jiggling of blubber, the seizure-like bursts of movement.  I wondered why girls would want to showcase their fat.  In my months of research through total immersion, this is what I found…

They don’t.

But guys love it.  In the same way they picture a girl on top of them riding away when they see her tits bouncing around, they picture giving it to her from behind or spanking her or watching her go to town in reverse cowgirl when they see that ass jiggle.

At first, I was told mostly only black guys went for it because that’s how black girls move in bed.  I don’t know much about that.  But I do know that black guys tend not to like me at the club.  Outside of it is a different story, but I have never had a black guy get a lap dance from me or show much interest in me at all while I’m on the clock.

This was evident from the very beginning so, in an attempt to broaden my appeal, I learned to incorporate the art of ass clapping into my routine.  It took a while.  A long while.  Bodies don’t naturally move in that way — my so-white-it’s-see-through body especially.  Every time I’d try it, I could do it for a second or two before my muscles would revolt and start doing weird things.

If you think ass-clapping looks weird, you should see failed ass-clapping.

A and I would practice, share strategies, and usually end up collapsing on the floor laughing.  But then a strange thing happened — I found myself doing it without even realising it.  At really inopportune times.  Like waiting in line at the grocery store.  Or while watching my nephew recite his presentation for school.

One time, I was standing at the rail overlooking the main floor at the club, absentmindedly making it clap.  A white cowboy in his late 30s — wearing the hat, boots, giant belt buckle, the whole getup — walked up to me from behind and tipped me because ‘that was the sexiest thing [he had] ever seen’.  I also had a group of Native American guys come up to my stage and throw money and cheer every time I did it.  My last night at that club, a Mexican guy bought 15-20 dances from me and wanted nothing more than for me to straddle him backwards, get on all fours, and then make it clap the entire time.  Black guys still don’t like me.  My point?

The booty clap knows no racial bounds.

Wait, that wasn’t supposed to be my point.  Well, part of it.  I’ll wrap this up because it has gotten really long-winded for a fluff entry.  We make it clap because:

1) People like it.  All sorts of people.

2) Once one has mastered the ass clap, it takes very little energy to execute as it is more about muscle isolation than exertion.  This is very useful in a job that is very physically demanding.

3) Despite the fact that it doesn’t take much energy, it’s a very energetic move, and it sparks energy in the crowd.

4) It works very well with hip-hop, R&B, and rap music, which I would have trouble dancing to otherwise.  Remember, I’m about as white as it gets.  And I move like it.  At least with this move in my dancer vocabulary, I can kind of fake it.

5) It tones muscles most people don’t use.

6) It’s actually really fascinating to feel one’s fat move at that perfect rhythm — where each wave amplifies the next, perpetuating the motion effortlessly and indefinitely.  It’s almost zen-like.

Okay, maybe that last one is just me.



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